


Broken

by Mercury32



Category: Veronica Mars (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-06-17
Updated: 2010-06-17
Packaged: 2017-10-10 04:00:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 686
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/95252
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mercury32/pseuds/Mercury32
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dick finds an outlet for his grief in a most unexpected source. Spoilers: Up to 3.02</p>
            </blockquote>





	Broken

The first time Dick sees Mac after Beaver’s death, he pretends she’s not there.  There’s a tiny little part of him that blames her for his brother’s suicide. He tells himself that if Mac had loved him better, then this wouldn’t have happened.  It’s easier than wondering if the way he treated Beaver over the years had anything to do with it.

The second time he sees her it’s completely unexpected.  After they stare at each other in shock, Dick flings an insult at her and Mac slams the door in his face.  That’s when it occurs to him that she’s probably suffering too. He wonders later how much she blames herself and if any blame is thrown in his direction.

The third time, they end up in bed. 

They’re both drunk enough for it to seem like a good idea. There’s a brief moment, when Dick realizes that this will be Mac’s first time that he wonders what the hell he’s doing.  He hesitates, but Mac implores him to continue and for some fucked up reason, he does. Maybe it’s a final ‘screw you’ to Beaver, maybe it’s because he’s paying a twisted tribute to his brother by doing his girlfriend. Maybe it’s because tonight, with Mac, has been the first time he’s really felt anything since… well, just since.  Afterwards, Dick feels reluctant to leave, even though he’s never hung around for a post coital post mortem before. Even with Madison, he tried to get out of there before she started bitching about the drama of the week. After a few uncomfortable minutes, he chickens out, grabs his clothes and gets out of there. 

The fourth time, Mac arrives on his doorstep on a night he has the place to himself.  He’s surprised and impressed she’s got the balls to show up like that and it’s not until she’s straddling him on the couch, tearing at his shirt as he nips at her neck that Dick grasps that her need for him is born out of her grief for Beaver. This time, he feels her pain and that’s why he holds her just that little bit tighter and kisses her just that little bit more gently.  He doesn’t kick her out, instead they sleep on opposite sides of the bed, turned away from each other.  Dick is surprised that he’s disappointed when he wakes up and Mac is gone in the morning.

  
The fifth time, when Mac comes, Dick thinks her hears her moan ‘Cassidy.’  He freezes, suddenly feeling sick to his stomach. The ball of sorrow and anger and pain rips its way free and bubbles up into his throat. He screams and before the sound has finished, the tears are streaming down his face.  Dick Casablancas and Cindy Mackenzie cling to each other in their shared pain as they cry for Cassidy Casablancas. They cry for everything he was, everything he wasn’t and everything he could have been.  

The final time, when their pain has eased enough to for them not to need the other anymore, it’s for them.  They’ve come together so many times out of pain and grief that they need this final encounter just to reassure themselves that they will be alright.  This time, when they part both Dick and Mac know without speaking that this is the last time.  They won’t be casual fuck buddies, they won’t have any kind of relationship and the only time this is likely to happen again is if Mac gets blind drunk and decides to make a booty call. Which – as fun as it would be – Dick knows will never happen cause that’s just not Mac’s style. 

Dick knows that Mac has given him what he could never find anywhere else. Not with his friends, not with the shrinks, not in a bottle of scotch or in a well packed bong.  She’s given him a way through his grief and the knowledge that there’s someone else out there, who cared about Beaver the way he did.  More than he did.  And that bit of knowledge is what saved Dick Casablancas from breaking.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[Podfic] Broken](https://archiveofourown.org/works/3853537) by [froggyfun365](https://archiveofourown.org/users/froggyfun365/pseuds/froggyfun365)




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